Sometimes knowing what NOT to do (steps to failure) is more important and meaningful than what you should do.
So, if you just like me and want to guarantee you fail as a writer I’ve constructed 10 easy steps to complete failure.
Step 1: Procrastination Olympics
Ah yes, the very key to our successful failure, is procrastination.
If you want to guarantee your failure procrastination should be taken as seriously, if not more than the Olympics.
Every Single Day you NEED to train this muscle.
If you don’t you might accidentally get something done, which we want to avoid.
Step 1 train your procrastination muscle it will come in handy for your ruin.
Step 2: The Overwhelm Overdrive
Our next simple step is to get overwhelmed.
Take all your ideas and start a project for every single one.
Start a novel.
Begin a poetry book.
Write short stories.
Never stick to one thing.
The goal is to start as many projects as possible, and then some more.
Don’t even try sticking to one task, the more overwhelmed you are the better.
Our goal is to be spread as thin as possible.
NEVER stick to one task, start a billion.
Step 3: Blissful Ignorance
Feedback is the bane of your failure.
If you want to fail you MUST ignore any feedback.
Any form of feedback, ‘constructive criticism’, or editorial intent is a deliberate ATTACK upon you and your whole bloodline.
DO NOT LISTEN TO FEEDBACK
Every word you won’t write is perfect as it is, how could anyone possibly improve what is already a masterpiece?
Step 4: Social Media Sabotage
To ensure your failure spend as much time as you can on social media.
You MUST get to the point where you obsessively check your phone.
ALWAYS compare yourself to other writers online for who else could you compare yourself to?
Social media is nothing but pure inspiration for your masterpiece.
Spend as much time on social media.
Step 5: Multitasking Mayhem
The key to our failure as a writer is to do at least 12 things at once.
When writing you should be at least;
- Scrolling social media
- Sending emails
- Listening to a podcast
- Talking to your friend
- Feeding your dog
- Feeding yourself
- Reading a book
- Solving a Rubik’s Cube
- Playing poker
- Drawing a portrait
- Journalling about peacefulness
- Playing video games
AT LEAST!
The best thing for your failure is to have the smallest amount of your attention on your writing.
Step 6: The Perfection Paralysis
Every sentence MUST be flawless.
Your first draft WILL be your published piece.
If you ever even dare progress in your novel before every single word sparkles like a diamond, even I can’t help you.
Perfection is a lie.
Paralysis by perfection is a LIE.
You MUST be perfect otherwise why even try?
Step 7: The Art of Burnout
To ensure your successful failure you MUST work a minimum of 26 hours a day.
MINIMUM.
You must snatch hours from the jaws of time itself to make sure every second of your day is crammed with work, work, work.
You must never take breaks.
Only when your fingers go numb, do you have full body cramps, only when your brain stops working may you rest.
And by rest I mean WRITE.
Never Stop WRITING!!!
Step 8: The Echo Chamber
Your perspective is the ONLY perspective.
The ideas and opinions of others are of no means to you.
Insignificant.
Water off a duck’s back their words are.
Not only are they not successfully failing they are thriving.
Who wants that?
Surround yourself exclusively with people who agree with everything you write.
You must be so cut off from the general public that an echo chamber of your opinions MUST be achieved.
Step 9: Neglecting Network
There is no us in team.
The only good team is a team of one.
You.
Never should you discuss your writing with others.
Not once should you share your writing with your friends.
Networking in the writing community is only for failing failures.
You MUST ignore every opportunity to connect with other writers, publishers, and literary professionals, they will only get in your way.
Loneliness is a lie.
It’s just you and that’s the best time there ever is.
Step 10: The Submission Avalanche
When submitting your work be sure to NEVER check specifications for publications.
Never research what these publications are interested in that’s only a suggestion.
Expect immediate success, it’s only inevitable.
Patience and persistence were created by people who want to succeed at writing, what failures.
In Conclusion . . .
I hope you will take these 10 steps in your stride to become the most successful failure of a writer you could be.
Ignore the lessons, despise the process, and let the despair of creation be your guiding star.
Happy writing 🙂
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